Attempt To Stomp The Yard

Things got a little crazy in a quarter final of the Big East tourney last night. If you haven't seen it already, baseball players from UConn and USF staged an impromptu (or was it?) dance-off during a five hour rain delay. It was lengthy.

While the snarky critics of Dead Spin have taken this as an opportunity to heap withering, unmitigated derision on a group of perfectly good white boys, I take a more nuanced approach. There were highlights and vertiginous lowlights.

Let's break it down.

00.06: Kicking things off, one dude steps up and drops a solid soulja boy. 7 Points to UConn. The degree of difficulty is not much here and its a little played out at this point, but I still love this dance. Especially when athletes do it. I'm going to assume the Huskies were referencing the great Baron Davis here, and give them a solid tip of the cap.

00.37: USF comes back hard. Team involvement in the set-up. A fat, balding cat (is that a coach?) doing URSHER spins. Mock Photography! This is close to embarrassing but the unified enthusiasm sells it. 12 Points to the Bulls.

01.28: And from the UConn dug out...total silence. Apparently a solitary man's mediocre Soulja Boy was the trump card. There is a humiliating degree of shoe-gazing going on here, even as one or two brave souls attempt to disturb the herd. -5 Points for debilitating self-consciousness.

01.58: "Damn it, we're getting killed out there. Somebody try something. I don't care what it is...anything!" -5,643.7 Points for the ultimate panic move.

02.14: Actually I really like that #7 walks it off here and washes his hands of the whole thing. When you see what happens over the next 30 seconds, it was definitely the right call. I'm going to give you 5,600 of those points back, but only for big 7.

02.54: This is...uhh...well...you can only dance to the music that the PA guys give you. Considering the circumstances, this is acceptable. 1 Point to you UConn. But let's regroup here before the next attempt.

03.23: Wow. USF comes back the coordinated set-up and the MJ splits, spins, moon walk, and hand-stand! This is so much more advanced than anything thus far, you really have to start asking questions about preparation. Also that much more incredible when you consider that, at this point, all USF really needs to do is play prevent D and run the clock out. 25 Points for the exclamation point.

03.58: I don't know what this one is. It surprises me that a person would hear James Brown, and believe it appropriate to move their body in this fashion. Also peculiar that the rest of the Huskies squad finds activity worthy of celebration. -200 Points.

04.16: Look Out! Coach's got the happy feet again. Quite sloppy but still sold on enthusiasm. 2 Points to USF.

04.48: Annnnndddd.....UConn breaks out the Ol' Upside Down Man. This just took on the vibe of a crappy children's birthday party. When your attempts to win a dancing competition break down to optical illusion comedy, I'd say you're in trouble. Still 3 Points for catching me off-guard. Nice that they carefully walk him into the dug-out too.

05.42: This was inevitable. Zero Points to both sides. Kind of a double-technical.

06.15: Nice family event interrupted by an air hump. Somebody got a little over-excited by his earlier moon-walking success. -5 Points USF.

06.50: The first time I watched this, I thought it was pretty good. Then I watched it a second time. Still though, a solid 5 Points to both sides for execution. On a side note, isn't it funny how these guys immediately start to act like they might be about to fight, as soon as you play some Irish music. "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" would obviously be the correct call for the PA guys at this point, just to see if you could escalate things.

07.54: OK, USF is officially not your average college baseball team. Is there a point where maybe you're too into 'Rhythm Is A Dancer'? I'm talking to you, Coach...

08.32: Fellas. Fellas. Stripper Moves? You do know that Youtube exists, right? -5o Points to USF and maybe sit the next couple plays out.

10.13: This is a simple game. You throw the ball. You hit the ball. You catch the ball. And when you're getting trounched in a rain-delay dance off, you take your shirts off and slide across the infield tarp like a band of sexually-ambiguous, marauding Vikings. -10 Points to UConn.

10.37: And shake it out, fellas. A little dap to acknowledge the gravity of the moment and back to your respective corners.

11.50: UConn tries to keep things going, as they await the judges decision. However, The Cha Cha Slide is not so impressive when you can only muster two participants. Zero Points.

And the final tally is
USF: -11, UConn: -242.7

So maybe Deadspin was correct after all. Still, unlike in college football, at least the comedic homo-eroticism is intentional with these guys.

Wait, that was intentional, right?